Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus
by Skyhiatrist
Summary: Funny little motto, don't you think?


**Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus**

Godric Gryffindor sipped his wine through pursed lips and surveyed his two companions with strong feelings of resentment. A woman of around the same age as Gryffindor sat on a large winged armchair by the fire, knitting feverently and casting the two gentlemen filthy looks whenever she reached the end of a row. The other man, who had a few years on Gryffindor and looked like it, too, sat with his back to the door and his fingers steepled in front of him. His dark green eyes were fixed on the fireplace, though they were half hidden by the lank, dirty blonde hair that covered his face. Gryffindor coughed and shifted in his chair, causing his companions to look up, though neither said a word. There was a moment of awkward silence, and then the woman spoke.

"Oh, for heaven's sake gentlemen, this is ridiculous!" she said firmly, throwing her knitting down onto her lap.

"I quite agree, Helga," Gryffindor murmured, casting a dark look in the direction of the other man.

"Do not act as though this is my fault, Godric," the man said, straightening up and looking distinctly ruffled.

"Isn't it though, Salazar?" Godric said lightly, acting as though he could not see the gentle bobbing of Hufflepuff's brown curls as she nodded in agreement.

"No, it is not," Slytherin replied firmly.

"Are you not the one who suggested, 'Pure Blood of Triumph and Untainted Power, Enter These Doors and the Victory Within?'" Gryffindor said lightly.

"Yes, but-" Slytherin began shakily, but Hufflepuff cut him off.

"It implies we shall only ever let those of pure blood through the doors of Hogwarts, Salazar, not a happy message at all."

"And what is wrong with that?" he asked. Hufflepuff frowned at him.

"That is not what Hogwarts was founded for!" she said sternly, indicating that the matter was closed.

"Now you mention it, I'm not too happy about 'Hogwarts' either," Salazar muttered.

Gryffindor acted as though he hadn't heard him. "I personally do not see what is so wrong with 'The Noble and Brave Shall Prevail Here In'," he said in almost a whine. Both Hufflepuff and Slytherin snorted.

"Well, obviously _you _wouldn't," Hufflepuff said pointedly, returning her attention to her knitting.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Gryffindor asked with a hint of hysteria in his voice.

"Only that you expect everyone to be as foolhardy as you, gallivanting off at the merest wisp of trouble, scooping up the glory and saving the world," said Slytherin.

"Yet again," added Hufflepuff.

"You say it as though it is a bad thing," Gryffindor protested.

"It very well could be," Hufflepuff snapped in the manner of a mother scolding her small child. "A fine thing it would be if we had to keep sending owls to the poor dears' parents, explaining why their child saw fit to blow themselves up while trying to defend themselves from something not even slightly dangerous. You know how the young ones can let their imaginations get the better of them sometimes."

"Indeed," said Gryffindor dryly. "But I still think it is the best by far." There was a faint hint of amusement dancing around his face.

"I wouldn't say that," Slytherin interjected. "But yours is a darn sight better than what dear Helga wanted. What was it again, my good woman?" He was grinning at her now, his smile becoming wider as her face became redder and redder.

"Where is Rowena?" Hufflepuff said suddenly, shrieking the question much louder than she had meant to.

"Forcing the last of the dangerous beasts out of the Forest, I do believe," said Slytherin smoothly. "But do not change the subject, Helga. Please, remind us both what your enchanting motto was to be."

Hufflepuff muttered something under breath.

"Sorry, I didn't quite catch that," Gryffindor chided gently.

"Work Hard, Play Hard," she finally said, muttering off a stream of obscenities afterwards. Both Slytherin and Gryffindor howled with laughter.

"You never do fail to amuse," Slytherin said, wiping his eyes. Suddenly the atmosphere in the room became a lot colder as Hufflepuff leapt to her feet.

"Excuse me?" she said in a whisper as Slytherin also got up from his chair. Slowly, Gryffindor rose too, holding his arms outstretched towards each of them, trying to keep them a fair distance apart.

"Now, now, let us not fight," he said soothingly. Slytherin rounded on him and whipped out his wand, and it only took a fraction of a second for Gryffindor to realise and do the same. A faint quiver came from Hufflepuff.

"Gentlemen, no, are we not beyond petty duelling?" she squeaked. Slytherin narrowed his eyes.

"Please!" she insisted, drawing her own wand just in case. "The power you two possess could do some serious damage!"

"I'm counting on it," Slytherin muttered, but as he did so he stumbled. Gryffindor had wordlessly bound his legs with rope.

"What is the meaning of this?" he roared. Gryffindor took a step forward.

"You drew your wand on me Salazar, a very serious action, do you not think?" Slytherin growled but did not contest the statement. The tip of his wand glowed with a faint blue light.

"Careful, Salazar," Hufflepuff warned. Gryffindor saw a muscle twitch beneath Slytherin's eye, but before he could yell a warning, long, deep cuts like scratches erupted on Hufflepuff's cheek. She gasped, utterly shocked, not seeming to notice the pain at all.

"Salazar!" she screamed in a hurt voice. "How could you?" But Slytherin did not seem to be remorseful at all.

"I am not here to be mothered by you!" he shouted, and turned his wand once again, but not onto Gryffindor. He turned it on himself.

He muttered something under his breath and the ropes binding his ankles broke and lay useless on the floor at his feet. Then he directed the tip of his wand at Gryffindor again, but he was ready this time.

"Expelliarmus!"

Both wands flew out of the wizard's hands, and without a second thought they both dived for each other, fist curled and teeth bared. There followed a furious scuffle, during which Hufflepuff could only watch, her face still bleeding and her wand dangling limply in her hand. Eventually she came to her senses and raised her wand high above her head as the two men continued to roll about on the floor.

"Stop it!" she cried, but they seemed not to hear her. Momentarily stunned, Hufflepuff did nothing when Gryffindor's foot flew up and kicked her wand out of her hand.

"Godric!" she cried, and decided to reach into the squabble and separate the two men by hand. This would be no easy task, as they were both much larger than her, but as they were both gentlemen and had no desire to hit a lady, their fighting suddenly became a lot more careful, with punches only being swung if it was certain they would hit the target they were intended for.

"Godric... Salazar... please," grunted Hufflepuff, trying unsuccessfully to grab each man by his collar.

"This is ridiculous," she grunted, trying to reason with men who probably couldn't hear her as their ears were currently filled with the other's shoes. "It's just... a motto... it... doesn't matter." Suddenly Slytherin's leg collided with Hufflepuff's calves and she was pitched headfirst into the ruckus. She emitted a tiny scream, but still the furious fight continued.

Suddenly, there was an almighty crash. All three of the founders froze. Hufflepuff was lying sprawled on her front with her bottom in the air, trying to reach her wand, which was made difficult by the fact that Gryffindor was sitting on her feet. Slytherin had one hand curled tightly around the front of Gryffindor's robes, but his face was being uncomfortably squashed by Gryffindor's outstretched palm. They all stared at the door to the staff room.

Charred and smoking, with a small flame dancing merrily atop her hat, stood Rowena Ravenclaw. The fact that her three colleagues were embroiled in a rather ungraceful fist fight didn't seem to faze her. In fact, she walked straight passed them with her eyes glazed and sank into the chair that Slytherin had been occupying not moments before. The other founders followed her with their eyes, but they did not move anything else. Ravenclaw raised a finger at them, but continued to stare blankly at the fire.

"Never," she said in a tired voice, "I repeat, never, tickle a sleeping dragon."


End file.
